We all have our dreams and desires that in some way shape our behavior and our life style. Sometimes they come true, sometimes they don’t, but no matter what the results is, it is very important just to have them. Without our desires and dreams we would not have any motivation, any reason for living.
Everybody has his own intimate dream that he was walking towards for a good part of his life. And the more effort he makes to reach it, the more expectations he puts in his dream. The same thing happened to me and my dream.
One can call my dream too trivial, something that happens to people everyday, but it was important to me. When I was eighteen years old I met a girl of my dream. She was perfect for me; everything that I have ever wished for, and little things about her that should have made me think, did not bother me at all. I just chose not to notice them. I liked her and she liked me back, everything was just perfect. It was a long distance relationship we had, five hours drive for me every weekend. I did the driving and it was fine with me and with her as well for some time.
It hasn’t been too long when I started finding out those things that I didn’t pay attention to from the start. She smoked marijuana… Well, not a big deal! – you would say, Everybody smokes pot once in a while! However it was a big deal, she smoked a lot and sometimes she was so high that she really didn’t care if it was I beside her or somebody else.
I confronted this behavior and she agreed with me that weed is something she needs to give up. It never happened though. By this time, I was very much in love with her and willing to invest any amount of my time to help her overcoming this addiction. I was giving it my best, everything I could do, I did, but her will was too week to make the decision and stick to it.
Soon I needed to move to another country for one year, to complete my Spanish language studies and I invited her with me. She could not make a decision again and we agreed to keep in touch while I’m away, calling each other and writing e-mails. The day of my departure finally came; I was very excited about the trip but sad to leave my love behind. My heart was not easy and relaxed about her, I don’t think I ever trusted her completely, but I had to go. I left and for about a month we did keep in touch, and then she disappeared. She didn’t reply to my e-mails, I could not reach her on the phone and she would never call me back.
When the year passed, I successfully completed my studies and came back to US. I found my love, or to be correct, something that used to be the object of my love. She was addicted to marijuana as never before and I think to something stronger as well, but she would never acknowledge that. She was going out with the drug dealer and was very confused by my arrival. She might have forgotten about my existence even.
I could not believe it. I wished for love like we had all my life, I put so much effort and time in making the dream come true. And what did I get? I got love that broke my heart and messed up everything that I ever believed in. The advice I would give to everybody concerning their desires and dreams would be just like this: keep on dreaming, wish for things but be careful not to build up too much expectations. The disappointment is too hard to take and may impact your values and all your future life.